MY NORTH STAR

I wrote these few nights back wondering where I am heading. With hurt, pain and anger going inside. I felt I am in a vicious circle from which I can't break away. it does seem like same and same thing over and over again. I am guided back to Jesus at The Cross. When I see Him there my hurts pain seem so small. He reminds me to get back on the path of forgiveness, healing and love all over again. From The Cross He guides me gives me direction. He is my North Star.

MY NORTH STAR (October 2021)

There is kind of numbness

my hurting heart, 

is facing.

Moments of conflicts,

be it deep or surface level,

sends me into…

a lost zone.

To shake it off,

my mind and thoughts 

hasn’t helped at all.

At beginning,

heart cries for some attention,

I ignore,

it subsides within.

But flames of agony,

pass through,

and burns… 

and I ignore it.

Yet again,

flames become ashes;

it seems to settle,

for little or nothing,

it gets buried,

inside me in layers.

And I keep cushioning it 

with more ignorance

blind eye to those…

conflicts,

creates monster

it hides through 

most things…

but pops it’s ugly head,

when someone blows 

little wind of hurt 

over those settled ashes.

Totally loosing,

at the drop of a pin

but struggling 

to keep….

my sanity and reason.

 
I am so lost;

Lost…

in my own world,

in my own sorrow,

in my own conflicts,

in my own challenges, 

in my own struggles and failures.

I fail to see

any direction.

When I am lost 

Only thing I want

Only thing I seek 

I look for you.

You are my North Star

The Cross

that makes sense 

at so many levels. 

There meets, 

Your and my world

all those hurts seem

fade in its importance!!!

Attention now 

moves onto You,

I don’t see any immediate effect.

but it breaks open 

my jar of tears,

I find the strength,

to pour out,

And converse without a doubt.

A relief

a sigh

longing for healing 

longing for love

reveals within.

'I am hurt Lord

But I don’t know How to respond?

I lash back 

I fight…. a loosing battle.'

Pain pierces through 

my heart 

the numbness seem 

to loose its power.

I can feel

I can sense that feeling 

feeling not at just sensory level

But 'I can sympathise 

I do see a different view

I have a long way to go.' 

What now I see

from the hurt to a loving ‘me’

it meets right

At The Cross,

Where His world 

and mine 

is displayed 

as a sign, a symbol 

for many.

But I know thats the place

Where HE died for me.

The Cross gave me direction 

the guidance

healing and love

else I would have 

beaten myself 

to be sad and lonesome. 

Your call 

to love God and my neighbour 

Comes with a heavy price

But I can’t complain. 

As You always 

show The Way

At The Cross

at the juncture of various crossroads

somehow You guide me

back to You,

right there

where Your world and mine meet

no where else but

at The Cross after all, 

'You are my North Star'

________________________________________

love ya,

sm_eagle