TWO WIDOWS

These were going on in my mind when I heard the 'Thirty Second Sunday readings in Ordinary Time' (7th November 2021 1st Reading:1 Kings 17:10-16  and Gospel: Mark 12:38-44). When I returned home, I just penned what I could remember from Mass.

        

  

                                                             

Two Widows

Two widows 

With only handful to give 

One pot of meal 

Other one with 

two copper coins 

They had nothing more

no status in society

Yet were called upon 

To give it all 

Out of nothingness

Came the abundance 

Not enough for self 

But For them 

God was enough

At the gentle 

Request of prophet 

Whisper in the heart

She offered all

Jar  of meal 

Little oil in a pitcher 

Baked little cake 

Lord God multiplied 

That jar was not spent 

Nor did the pitcher of oil fail 

Christ had full treasury 

But sought the last penny 

Sifting through 

Intentions of heart 

Poor Widow donated

Out of her poverty 

She put everything 

Her whole living 

For that’s all she had 

To offer to Her God

Let me too,

be the giver of my all.

Like the Two Widows

responding God's call

my time, treasure & talent

You can have it all.

____________________

love ya,

sm_eagle

A BROKEN VESSEL

It comes from my hurts, anger, frustrations, failures, sins. Questions in my mind of How can I ever be useful with so much brokenness inside. 

A Broken Vessel

Life seems perfect, 

with things going 

just the way 

it’s suppose to go.

It isn’t raining 

No wind blowing

Nor the floods coming 

Life is safe and smooth.

When that big hurdle come 

things get upset 

one thing after the other.

Sometimes it starts little

and has domino effect.

Everything feel like 

falling in a row

Soul, mind and body

the ripple effect

gets to all. 

Winds have been blowing 

Rains have been hitting hard

The life that we built 

Is being shaken to the core.

Unanswered questions 

And it only piles more.

Everything is broken 

Nothing seems right

Even things that were blessing 

Feels like a curse 

Not a blessing but even worse!!!

There comes a time 

When life is unfair 

From all sides

Nothing goes right 

Hurts, wounds

Brokenness 

Feelings of anger, rage 

Rejection, disappointment 

When it all rushes

like a flood 

it is overwhelming.

Unjust 

Wrong 

Hopeless

Distrust 

Darkness inside and out

Faithless

Where to run?

Where to hide?

What to do?

There is deep abyss 

Which goes even deeper 

That I cannot fathom 

Feeling of falling 

without any one to hold on 

Approaching death 

Almost looks like 

It is my end

I hear myself say

I am done.

How can I be 

Of any use?

My wrongs...

Failures and Sins 

Are shackles tying me down.

I can’t walk,

Forget about running.

I can’t rise,

Forget about flying.

I can't do good,

forget about loving.

Lord you too said 

It is finished 

You are done

not with despair

but knowing it well

What was kept in store 

at The End.

For you rose again 

Came back to life 

And tell me once more

Broken vessels I use 

My sins 

You wore as crown 

Nails didn't stop you 

Bleeding heart 

poured healing

You emptied Yourself

completely

freely and faithfully.

Can you Lord …?

Can you use me ?

Really ???

Me... a broken one 

Full of shame

Hurt anger and pain 

Such a contradiction 

To your gospel of love

My mind can’t comprehend.

How my broken parts

makes sense to You

my aching heart

be a source of hope

to someone...

anyone... but How ?

You give me 

treasure to hold within.

This broken vessel

lets out the light

through those cracks

through those failures and sin.

I discover

You get the glory

You have the power

and it's not me

You are the reason

that a broken vessel

like me

becomes a source of hope

to those in need.

I just need to trust You

hold on to the gift of faith

until you come…. or,

till my life is done.

The contradictions of my life

are in your hand

Help me yield to You

allow You 

to mould this broken vessel

whenever you ask me to.

Strengthen me 

to repair the wrongs

the sins

the hurts

afflicted by me.

Let me be a broken vessel

in Your gentle hands

once again 

to set the captives free.

To let them know

It is not about 'them'

but 'You', who does the work

through us till the end.

Let me be a broken vessel

in Your gentle hands, Lord

once again !!!

love ya,

sm_eagle

MY NORTH STAR

I wrote these few nights back wondering where I am heading. With hurt, pain and anger going inside. I felt I am in a vicious circle from which I can't break away. it does seem like same and same thing over and over again. I am guided back to Jesus at The Cross. When I see Him there my hurts pain seem so small. He reminds me to get back on the path of forgiveness, healing and love all over again. From The Cross He guides me gives me direction. He is my North Star.

MY NORTH STAR (October 2021)

There is kind of numbness

my hurting heart, 

is facing.

Moments of conflicts,

be it deep or surface level,

sends me into…

a lost zone.

To shake it off,

my mind and thoughts 

hasn’t helped at all.

At beginning,

heart cries for some attention,

I ignore,

it subsides within.

But flames of agony,

pass through,

and burns… 

and I ignore it.

Yet again,

flames become ashes;

it seems to settle,

for little or nothing,

it gets buried,

inside me in layers.

And I keep cushioning it 

with more ignorance

blind eye to those…

conflicts,

creates monster

it hides through 

most things…

but pops it’s ugly head,

when someone blows 

little wind of hurt 

over those settled ashes.

Totally loosing,

at the drop of a pin

but struggling 

to keep….

my sanity and reason.

 
I am so lost;

Lost…

in my own world,

in my own sorrow,

in my own conflicts,

in my own challenges, 

in my own struggles and failures.

I fail to see

any direction.

When I am lost 

Only thing I want

Only thing I seek 

I look for you.

You are my North Star

The Cross

that makes sense 

at so many levels. 

There meets, 

Your and my world

all those hurts seem

fade in its importance!!!

Attention now 

moves onto You,

I don’t see any immediate effect.

but it breaks open 

my jar of tears,

I find the strength,

to pour out,

And converse without a doubt.

A relief

a sigh

longing for healing 

longing for love

reveals within.

'I am hurt Lord

But I don’t know How to respond?

I lash back 

I fight…. a loosing battle.'

Pain pierces through 

my heart 

the numbness seem 

to loose its power.

I can feel

I can sense that feeling 

feeling not at just sensory level

But 'I can sympathise 

I do see a different view

I have a long way to go.' 

What now I see

from the hurt to a loving ‘me’

it meets right

At The Cross,

Where His world 

and mine 

is displayed 

as a sign, a symbol 

for many.

But I know thats the place

Where HE died for me.

The Cross gave me direction 

the guidance

healing and love

else I would have 

beaten myself 

to be sad and lonesome. 

Your call 

to love God and my neighbour 

Comes with a heavy price

But I can’t complain. 

As You always 

show The Way

At The Cross

at the juncture of various crossroads

somehow You guide me

back to You,

right there

where Your world and mine meet

no where else but

at The Cross after all, 

'You are my North Star'

________________________________________

love ya,

sm_eagle