BLESSED !!!

December 19, 2021 

From the following readings  Mi 5:1-42. Responsorial Psalm: Ps 80:2-3, 15-16, 18-19. Heb 10:5-10 and Lk 1:39-45. 

BLESSED

Littlest of the clan of Judah: 

Bethlehem-Ephrathah,

from you came,

the saviour of the world.

God restored you

He Let his face shine upon you.

Mary, blessed is she

Blessed among women 

For her yes led her to be

Blessed to do the Will 

Blessed fruit of her womb 

Blessed for she believed 

In haste she reached out 

With Christ within 

Joy made its way 

In the womb of Elizabeth 

Cousin leapt for joy

Mary our lady 

You reach out to me 

Whenever I’m in need

In haste you come 

Bringing the joy 

From you to me

Christ makes his way 

Joy find his way 

Restore me lord 

Let your face shine upon me

Let me do your Will 

Let me say Yes 

Let me believe 

Let me reach out 

Carry Christ 

In haste to proclaim 

Let me say yes

Let me believe

Let me too

Be the handmaiden of the lord 

Let it be done 

according to your word

STRONG CITY-BUILT ON ROCK

Wednesday of the fourth week of Advent had these readings: 1 Samuel 1:24-28, Psalms 1 Samuel 2:1,4-5, 6-7,8 and Luke 1:46-56

STRONG CITY - BUILT ON ROCK

Strong city, 

the land of Judah

Salvation is the wall 

keep faith in righteousness

gates shall open to you.

Lofty city indeed 

to those who,

trust in the lord.

Those who keep their mind on you,

You are the Lord God 

The everlasting rock!

The Lord God is the refuge

place our trust in Him.

To find our citizenship,

through these gates,

to enter and give thanks to the Lord.

Greater is the need 

for the heart to believe

than a mouth to confess.

Do the Fathers will.

Live the faith.

Build the life on 'The Rock'.

We will then enter, 

the eternal life.

Be the wise man.

To hear The Word,

Do The Word, 

Build on The Word. 

My living cities,

My sons and my daughters,

When the storm strikes 

strong foundation alone will withstand. 

Rains will fall,

flood will come,

the wind will blow,

and beat upon the house. 

It shall not fall!

Let Christ’s Salvation be the wall. 

Keep faith in righteousness,

gates will open to you.

Lofty city indeed...

you will be,

who, trust in the lord

you who keep their mind on the Lord.

For it will be build on 'The Rock'

The everlasting rock!!!

For the Lord God is my refuge,

I place my trust in him,

and I will find my citizenship.

Through these gates,

let me enter,

and give thanks to the lord.

Greater is the need 

for my heart to believe,

than my mouth to confess.

I will do Father's will. 

Live the faith.

Build my life on 'The Rock'. 

I will then enter,

the eternal life. 

Be the wise man 

to hear The Word, 

do the The Word 

build on The Word.

I give thanks to the Lord

For His mercy endures forever

You Lord grant the salvation 

Help me Lord... 

not just be the hearer but the doer of the word too.

TWO WIDOWS

These were going on in my mind when I heard the 'Thirty Second Sunday readings in Ordinary Time' (7th November 2021 1st Reading:1 Kings 17:10-16  and Gospel: Mark 12:38-44). When I returned home, I just penned what I could remember from Mass.

        

  

                                                             

Two Widows

Two widows 

With only handful to give 

One pot of meal 

Other one with 

two copper coins 

They had nothing more

no status in society

Yet were called upon 

To give it all 

Out of nothingness

Came the abundance 

Not enough for self 

But For them 

God was enough

At the gentle 

Request of prophet 

Whisper in the heart

She offered all

Jar  of meal 

Little oil in a pitcher 

Baked little cake 

Lord God multiplied 

That jar was not spent 

Nor did the pitcher of oil fail 

Christ had full treasury 

But sought the last penny 

Sifting through 

Intentions of heart 

Poor Widow donated

Out of her poverty 

She put everything 

Her whole living 

For that’s all she had 

To offer to Her God

Let me too,

be the giver of my all.

Like the Two Widows

responding God's call

my time, treasure & talent

You can have it all.

____________________

love ya,

sm_eagle

A BROKEN VESSEL

It comes from my hurts, anger, frustrations, failures, sins. Questions in my mind of How can I ever be useful with so much brokenness inside. 

A Broken Vessel

Life seems perfect, 

with things going 

just the way 

it’s suppose to go.

It isn’t raining 

No wind blowing

Nor the floods coming 

Life is safe and smooth.

When that big hurdle come 

things get upset 

one thing after the other.

Sometimes it starts little

and has domino effect.

Everything feel like 

falling in a row

Soul, mind and body

the ripple effect

gets to all. 

Winds have been blowing 

Rains have been hitting hard

The life that we built 

Is being shaken to the core.

Unanswered questions 

And it only piles more.

Everything is broken 

Nothing seems right

Even things that were blessing 

Feels like a curse 

Not a blessing but even worse!!!

There comes a time 

When life is unfair 

From all sides

Nothing goes right 

Hurts, wounds

Brokenness 

Feelings of anger, rage 

Rejection, disappointment 

When it all rushes

like a flood 

it is overwhelming.

Unjust 

Wrong 

Hopeless

Distrust 

Darkness inside and out

Faithless

Where to run?

Where to hide?

What to do?

There is deep abyss 

Which goes even deeper 

That I cannot fathom 

Feeling of falling 

without any one to hold on 

Approaching death 

Almost looks like 

It is my end

I hear myself say

I am done.

How can I be 

Of any use?

My wrongs...

Failures and Sins 

Are shackles tying me down.

I can’t walk,

Forget about running.

I can’t rise,

Forget about flying.

I can't do good,

forget about loving.

Lord you too said 

It is finished 

You are done

not with despair

but knowing it well

What was kept in store 

at The End.

For you rose again 

Came back to life 

And tell me once more

Broken vessels I use 

My sins 

You wore as crown 

Nails didn't stop you 

Bleeding heart 

poured healing

You emptied Yourself

completely

freely and faithfully.

Can you Lord …?

Can you use me ?

Really ???

Me... a broken one 

Full of shame

Hurt anger and pain 

Such a contradiction 

To your gospel of love

My mind can’t comprehend.

How my broken parts

makes sense to You

my aching heart

be a source of hope

to someone...

anyone... but How ?

You give me 

treasure to hold within.

This broken vessel

lets out the light

through those cracks

through those failures and sin.

I discover

You get the glory

You have the power

and it's not me

You are the reason

that a broken vessel

like me

becomes a source of hope

to those in need.

I just need to trust You

hold on to the gift of faith

until you come…. or,

till my life is done.

The contradictions of my life

are in your hand

Help me yield to You

allow You 

to mould this broken vessel

whenever you ask me to.

Strengthen me 

to repair the wrongs

the sins

the hurts

afflicted by me.

Let me be a broken vessel

in Your gentle hands

once again 

to set the captives free.

To let them know

It is not about 'them'

but 'You', who does the work

through us till the end.

Let me be a broken vessel

in Your gentle hands, Lord

once again !!!

love ya,

sm_eagle

MY NORTH STAR

I wrote these few nights back wondering where I am heading. With hurt, pain and anger going inside. I felt I am in a vicious circle from which I can't break away. it does seem like same and same thing over and over again. I am guided back to Jesus at The Cross. When I see Him there my hurts pain seem so small. He reminds me to get back on the path of forgiveness, healing and love all over again. From The Cross He guides me gives me direction. He is my North Star.

MY NORTH STAR (October 2021)

There is kind of numbness

my hurting heart, 

is facing.

Moments of conflicts,

be it deep or surface level,

sends me into…

a lost zone.

To shake it off,

my mind and thoughts 

hasn’t helped at all.

At beginning,

heart cries for some attention,

I ignore,

it subsides within.

But flames of agony,

pass through,

and burns… 

and I ignore it.

Yet again,

flames become ashes;

it seems to settle,

for little or nothing,

it gets buried,

inside me in layers.

And I keep cushioning it 

with more ignorance

blind eye to those…

conflicts,

creates monster

it hides through 

most things…

but pops it’s ugly head,

when someone blows 

little wind of hurt 

over those settled ashes.

Totally loosing,

at the drop of a pin

but struggling 

to keep….

my sanity and reason.

 
I am so lost;

Lost…

in my own world,

in my own sorrow,

in my own conflicts,

in my own challenges, 

in my own struggles and failures.

I fail to see

any direction.

When I am lost 

Only thing I want

Only thing I seek 

I look for you.

You are my North Star

The Cross

that makes sense 

at so many levels. 

There meets, 

Your and my world

all those hurts seem

fade in its importance!!!

Attention now 

moves onto You,

I don’t see any immediate effect.

but it breaks open 

my jar of tears,

I find the strength,

to pour out,

And converse without a doubt.

A relief

a sigh

longing for healing 

longing for love

reveals within.

'I am hurt Lord

But I don’t know How to respond?

I lash back 

I fight…. a loosing battle.'

Pain pierces through 

my heart 

the numbness seem 

to loose its power.

I can feel

I can sense that feeling 

feeling not at just sensory level

But 'I can sympathise 

I do see a different view

I have a long way to go.' 

What now I see

from the hurt to a loving ‘me’

it meets right

At The Cross,

Where His world 

and mine 

is displayed 

as a sign, a symbol 

for many.

But I know thats the place

Where HE died for me.

The Cross gave me direction 

the guidance

healing and love

else I would have 

beaten myself 

to be sad and lonesome. 

Your call 

to love God and my neighbour 

Comes with a heavy price

But I can’t complain. 

As You always 

show The Way

At The Cross

at the juncture of various crossroads

somehow You guide me

back to You,

right there

where Your world and mine meet

no where else but

at The Cross after all, 

'You are my North Star'

________________________________________

love ya,

sm_eagle

Loose myself... to be a slave !

Where I am right now does feel like mid life crisis (mind voice says what a joke!!!!) it at times feel like my sin is being thrown back at me, at times it feels like all that is done is for nothing. Self-love does scream out loud and it demands all the attention, but to know that self-love when not countered with the identity in Christ it all comes spiralling downwards. All the confusion and questions many times are unanswered, and so let it be. I started to write this last night it was incomplete as it always is without Christ, I found my answer in today's readings. (Romans6:12-18 ; Luke 12:39-48) I had much to think and write but I let this be where it is. rest of it stays in my diary.

LOOSE MYSELF... TO BE A SLAVE!

I've lost myself totally

in doing things.

Duty is important 

much needed; 

but forgot to find myself 

in you.

It feels like 

I am disillusioned,

with my efforts,

my work,

my way,

not really seeking…

to please you,

through my deeds.

How did I start in spirit 

ended up in flesh.

Focused on self 

demanding my way 

Lord it seems 

hard to bear 

the fall, my fall.

Where have I been,

if not your presence 

if not in your grace 

Have I been wasting away 

giving away my all...

my life…

Without counting the cost 

I feel like 

I’m loosing myself

in nothing.

Is it worth O Lord ?

When I'll stand at the gate of heaven 

Will it be worth it? 

Would it have mattered 

in eternity, 

what I did here on earth 

Will I find myself in you?

When I loose myself for you. 

Cause I don’t see  

any of my own image

No reflection of mine 

Or is it just the crisis hitting me.

Where will I be 

Without you 

But I do feel so lost…

at present, 

Nothing makes sense,

Nothing moves,

Nothing feels alive,

I feel dead.

Are you calling me to die?

To die to my identity 

die to My life 

die to what I’ve thought so long as mine 

die to some glimpse of myself.

I’ve seen some moments 

but my eyes of faith 

seems so tainted.

Lord deliver me 

From me 

Deliver me 

From insanity 

That I feel 

Deliver me 

From despair 

Deliver me 

From disorientation 

Deliver me 

From crisis 

Deliver me 

From my pride 

Deliver me

from my questions 

Deliver me

From the lies

Deliver me 

From sadness 

Come be with me 

Come live in me

Come live through me 

For you have set me free

through your sacrifice

you lost your life

that I may have one

you died

that I may live

you became nothing

so I can be a son

a daughter

an adopted one.

Let me become a slave of obedience

Let me become a slave of righteousness

Help me become a slave of righteousness in humility.

________________________________________________________
love ya,
sm_eagle

Deeper Roots

With frustrations, hurts, impatience charging at full speed, it makes me only think of how I have to grow my roots more deeper. If I am rooted and grounded in love, the stormy winds and rough rains can't uproot me. So here I just penned it down in my journal.

DEEPER ROOTS

Let me go deeper,

deep waters to dive in

At the surface level

I am thrown away

by every slight wind

Deeper roots, 

is what I seek

Let me be firm in You.

With wars being waged,

against my soul,

Help me, Lord

to find refuge,

to hold on to You,

to grow my roots,

deeper still,

so I may withstand,

heat and wind.

My leaves won't wither

with slightest rudeness,

when weather is not in favour.

I'll dig deeper,

seeking refuge and solace,

hidden within.

Roots which have

found water and food

when there is famine

those help me grow

rely on you

and on your Word

When our patience runs dry

Be our love

When sorrow seems high

Be our joy

When irritation hits hard

Be our stronghold

Be ours

Let us be Yours

make us one

like Father and You

make us one.

Let me be rooted in You

Deeper still

I may grow

deep roots 

stronger still.

Dusk with saints

Recently, got into clicking photos like any amateur photographer. Making use of phone available with good camera which does help in capturing the moments.

Kids were chatting away… Z pointing towards some cloud formation that he spotted, for we do that some times. They all listen to him so intently at times. 

#filter

#dusk

#saintsquotes

#stjosemariaescriva

#nature

Faith, Hope, Love

Random ruminating thoughts from different days….it may not make any sense to you, it is my journey over many days…

FAITH, HOPE, LOVE

When I look to my hands
for new wisdom
I find none
till you come to my aid

I keep seeking you in things that are unknown

Mundane activities is where I need to find YOU
Sunday I come looking for YOU
but weekdays YOU call me in hidden ways

God's ways for me
still disoriented I feel

my broken spirit needs healing

my hurting heart needs YOUR love

my wounded self seeks YOU

It is through the brokenness

that our sin passes on

mend it, heal it, repair it

Only through Jesus Christ

else we despair

loose hope

become distant

from all relationships

I've sat through the day 

lifting my low soul
sat through the night 

with tears in my eyes
wondering where my heart is
searching my mind for reasons 

still unfound.
Is it my loneliness or emptiness
unloved I feel
only YOU have the answer
to all of my questions
seeking and thirsting to know

what YOU seek of me?

Fighting this battle 

and it seems like I'm loosing

struggle, gasp...

for that one shimmer of hope

I need a fresh breath of YOUR Spirit

I feel like I'm loosing my mind

but the faith within me

reminds, it's not The End!

What Christ did on Cross

HE destroyed the legal bond

made spectacle of the evil one

I am no longer slave

or bonded because of my sin

I am free,

free indeed from clutches of sin

it doesn't hold me 

under any shackle

till I give away my inheritance.

Have I been doing that

in my recent 

frustrating

grumbling 

failures?

Lord I believe

Help my unbelief

Let me remember 

what YOU did for me

I am free 

no longer slave

till I write my inheritance away.

To whom can I go

but to YOU

YOU are my Saviour

YOUR words are truth and life

Let me not despair

or run in circles

Help me to remember

I am YOUR daughter

I am loved

I am Your precious one.

I have to keep my focus

on YOU

walk the narrow path

even though 

it may hurt

but I know 

YOU are there

right here with me.

Help me be present to YOU

the way YOU are to me.

For YOU are my Hope

When You say

WHEN YOU SAY 

Lord, when YOU say 'go',

I will go.

When YOU say 'still',

I will be still.

For YOU alone can see,

the whole picture,

I can only see a part.

YOUR eye beholds the past, present and the future.

YOU lead me,

and I am able to overcome.

When YOU ask me to 'wait',

I can't pursue, without Your presence.

For YOU, O Lord,

are my refuge & salvation!

YOU … O Lord is My Father,

As a daughter I am Yours.