Lost One

15th October 2012

This is no diary entry but thoughts that I have been having for past few days. I have been struggling to be who I used to be, not that I don't appreciate who I am today, it is in relation to my yearning and longing that I had for the lover of my soul. That's what I am missing and I want to get back to where I started, love I had at first for HIM. These lines are combined with some old draft, which I had written some years ago. It runs on same theme so thought I shall club the two :-) Scripture verse that keeps coming back to me is Revelations 2:4-5 "But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember then from what you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent. "

LOST ONE

How am I alive, without being with You?

I'm so lifeless because I'm detached from You.

These days of dryness are taking a toll of me,

without receiving from You, how will I give?

Struggling, battling and weary I am today

looking for affirmation, consolation and hope,

from things and people 

and it's a total waste.

Too long have I neglected 

Your voice within,

of which I am bearing the outcome.

It's hard to breathe

deep sighs rise from me

Why didn't I respond to your call?

day after day I thought 

I can do it on my own

only to fall deeper in the vacuum.

Bouts of emptiness

creeps in now and then

making me aware how much I need Thee.

Two steps on my own,

I end up with a broken soul.

Why, why do you still hold me close?

even when I run away

Looking for love, beauty and wholeness

in some other place.

Separation from You,

leaves me hungry

badly hurting deep within.

Lost my hope and joy

When I have been away from you

I shifted my gaze,

focused on things unknown.

‘Look upto me

and you shall be satisfied’,

voice I hear from The One,

The lover who calls me HIS own.

I am the part of HIS flock,

The One who takes me home.

Waiting with hopeful eyes

and open arms

He embraces again,
me the lost one.

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love ya,

sm_eagle

I remember

27th March 2010

Don't recall why did I pen down these thoughts but here it goes to restart my rusted writing :-). I have come to realize that my search, be it in anger, irritation, impatience, sadness or hurt it always ends with coming back at feet of the Cross. Thats where I know why I exist, what to do when I'm all weak and weary. I search and seek for some worldly consolation but find JESUS searching for me a lost sheep.  I realize that it is only in HIM that I can find light in the midst of darkness, healing for my hurt, forgiveness for myself, patience for others and above all joy in doing all that.

I REMEMBER
When life is in darkness
thats when I remember
Your light
When in pain I am
I remember Your healing
I remember Your soothing hand
When I am frustrated
with myself and others
I find myself
searching for You desperately.

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love ya,
SM_eagle