Nothing specific I had in mind when I started scribbling these lines... was just looking within myself and these thoughts came forth. I am a person, who wants everything PERFECT-my life, my decisions, choices that I make, to such an extent that I want my Walk with the SAVIOUR perfect (what a foolish thought) all and all- dictionary calls it playing "PERFECTIONIST". Demanding perfection not just from others but from one own self, which ends up in frustration... What foolish mind i have to expect 'Everything to be Perfect, everything to go as-I DECIDE, as I WANT, as I DESIRE.
While i continue my journey on this Narrow Road that I have decided to walk on, I am learning to be patient with 'ME' and believe me it has been a roller coaster ride. To see myself as GOD sees is something very beautiful, less torturing....:-), more loving and learning to accept myself in my own eyes has been liberating. I know Narrow path is not easy to tread on but thats the ONLY way to the Father and i'll enter Heaven ONLY BY HIS GRACE and not on my own efforts or merits...why? so that all the glory goes to HIM and HIM alone and to NO ONE ELSE. Some of the lines are taken from Proverbs, which i have been reading these days. God's Word, for sure, is a double edged sword, which pierces through my heart and judges my thoughts, my standard of living and shows me the areas that needs moulding. So as you read through, I pray that you find God's eyes to see yourself in aspect of your life. Hope all this makes sense to you and if it's not, it is still ok :-) am sure you will understand it at the right time.
This one doesn't sound like as any would be song types so it'll remain in my journal entry, i guess so:-)
This one doesn't sound like as any would be song types so it'll remain in my journal entry, i guess so:-)
5th June 2007
11:50 a.m.
NARROW LANE (2007)
Dear Lord,
In my life right now...
its difficult to see the next step,
I am struggling to follow Your path.
I have been faltering;
fallen with my face on the ground,
I get up and see dust all over my face,
it feels so disgraced.
Knowing that all this while,
I was right, if not in 'their' eyes
but in thine.
It feels like a slap,
feels like people pulling me up
just to pass a sarcastic remark.
I wish to walk smoothly on this narrow road,
without any bruises or blemish.
How I want to take easy way out,
not just once but always!
Had 'planned it all'--- so that it'll be perfect,
dislike mistakes & shame,
no tears I want to shed.
But... Here I stand at this juncture;
only to understand,
I need to learn to trust.
Trust YOUR whipserings,
YOUR guidance,
not my own intuitions
or discernment.
Let me not lean on my intelligence,
but acknowledge YOUR presence...
in all things.
Though situations may not change,
people still remain,
but having YOU in everything,
will be my strength.
I can lean on YOU,
whenever I fall
or face any trail.
I am learning to trust YOU more,
for in YOU I set my absolute confidence.
Help me to walk on the just path,
grace to pursue on this narrow lane.
As I surrender myself,
before YOUR Holy Throne;
I join my hands in adoration,
I hear YOU calling me,
to follow whole heartedly.
So, Here I am...
making my ear attentive to wisdom;
inclining my heart to YOUR understanding.
Humble me Lord,
have YOUR way.
though I know,
it'll bring corrections, falls
and dust on my face.
As long as I am under YOUR grace,
nothing else matters
for its YOU who cares.
Don't mind all the failures,
all painful truths,
as long as YOU hold me and move...
lead me to the goal,
and that's YOU and YOU alone.
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Love Ya,
SM_eagle
