Awaken my soul...

5th February 2008

Wish I remember why I wrote this... all that doesn't matter the only thing that matters is realising that "apart from HIM I can do nothing..." i dislike the state when i know what's wrong on my part but struggle to correct myself and keep up in STEPS with JESUS... well i don;t know if i'm making any sense to anyone, i just cry out and pray that HE RESTORES MY SOUL...

AWAKEN MY SOUL

Brokenness in my soul, 

shedding tears unceasingly 

searching for peace within 

but found none. 

In this darkness I desire to see 

Not by sight but by faith 

Uphold me when my boat rocks 

Spirit trembles and my hand drops

Lord, where did I go wrong? 

That I am picking up rotten fruits 

Did I not do my part well? 

My eyes are parched 

And I miss YOU right now 

At this very hour 

Give me solace

 to rise above the wind of problems 

Grant me grace…….that awakens my soul

--------------------------------------------------------

love ya,

sm_eagle

Transform me in YOU

"Whatever, wherever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He may prolong my life, He may shorten it, He knows what He is about. He may make my spirits sink, hide the future from me, still He knows what He is about." -- John Henry Cardinal Newman

"Let us meditate today on the condition of our soul. Are we making a sincere effort to rectify our intentions, to sanctify our daily responsibilities? There are things we fail to remember, not because we have short memories but because we are short of love. The person in love does not forget!"-- St Teresa of Avila

7th May, 2008

7:00 p.m. 

  TRANSFORM ME IN YOU (2008) 

Unseen events of life 

raising questions in my mind 

Untold fears crawling through the night 

past hurts making it difficult to let go 

Heart rushes in search of love 

yearning for a touch 

longing for comfort 

someone to wipe my tears 

but left with no one by my side 

 unending dark hours of agony 

sight of faith weakening 

Light, Joy, peace & love 

are my requirements 

 Come take me where I've never been 

Help me holding up 

my broken being as a beacon 

not for me but for someone 

who walks by same broken road 

 Let me be, 

Your hand to lift them up 

Your arms to embrace 

Your palms to hold their tears 

a symbol of your love 

 Understanding there's price to pay 

give me the grace 

in raising my life as a sacrifice 

Knowing for me You did 

on that day at the Calvary 

So help me be like you 

Offering my broken life and body 

a broken heart and soul 

In glory and honour of You alone 

Use me as You desire 

transform me in YOU 

 ——————————————————————————————— 

love ya, 

SM_eagle

Ongoing battle

There's sadness in my heart,
I'm trying to figure it out...
Why I don't stand the ground,
I give up when I shouldn't...

My heart seem to get adamant
despite recieving the Touch
of HIS tender love.
Why do I act stubborn,
always wanna do as I WILL.
Like sheep walking on its own way
I act as my will says.

What a war it is!
between YOUR will and mine.
With every battle
I discover
Your Will is perfect
MY will is incomplete.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

This ongoing battle is part of every Christians' life, battle between HIS HOLY WILL and My Will. I am amazed at the freedom that Christ has given me, HE knows that I, a feeble human, can never make right choices, decisions unless its under HIS guidance but still HE CHOOSES to give me my Free Will...He loves me so much that HE wants me to discover HIS unconditional love and cherish it forever.

Being a student of Political Science, I have always asked the Lord, "Why not just DICTATE YOUR WILL because I know I am just not good at walking on the way You have shown. I always deviate from The Way, so why not follow dictatorship form of government in my life."

I sense somewhere in my small brain where HE lets me know in HIS own way, WHY NO DICTATORSHIP but DEMOCRACY...of HIS love :-) He loves me so much that HE wants me to discover, taste and experience HIS love and out of free will, surrender my throne and let HIM be the KING... "So if the SON makes you free, you will be free indeed." (John8:36) Once I have tasted HIS love I become love slave not out of compulsion but free will knowing well that the Master's Will for me is , its for my greater good even when circumstances portray just the opposite.

Walking in love with Jesus is not easy, it's challenging. It challenges standards that I have set based on so called 'my learnings, my experiences', I'm always reminded of Whom I have chosen to follow- JESUS and HIS standards. We can look into our hearts and find our standards similar to those of Scribes and Pharisees but here is JESUS who has set us Standards of love.

John 4:34 "Jesus said to them, 'My food is to do the will of Him who sent me and to complete His work.' "

Matthew 16: 24 "Then Jesus told His disciples, 'If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their Cross and follow me."

Matthew 26:44 "So leaving them again, He went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words (My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; Yet not what I want but what You want.)."

Luke 23:34 "Then Jesus, 'Father forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.' "

Luke 23:42 "He replied (to the good thief) 'Truly I tell You, today you will be with me in Paradise.' "

At the end of all this all I am left with is: If I love JESUS, I will keep HIS commandments.

"You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servants does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made know to you everything that I have heard from MY FATHER."

John 15:14-15

--------------------------------------------------------------

love ya,

sm_eagle

Narrow Lane

Nothing specific I had in mind when I started scribbling these lines... was just looking within myself and these thoughts came forth. I am a person, who wants everything PERFECT-my life, my decisions, choices that I make, to such an extent that I want my Walk with the SAVIOUR perfect (what a foolish thought) all and all- dictionary calls it playing "PERFECTIONIST". Demanding perfection not just from others but from one own self, which ends up in frustration... What foolish mind i have to expect 'Everything to be Perfect, everything to go as-I DECIDE, as I WANT, as I DESIRE.

While i continue my journey on this Narrow Road that I have decided to walk on, I am learning to be patient with 'ME' and believe me it has been a roller coaster ride. To see myself as GOD sees is something very beautiful, less torturing....:-), more loving and learning to accept myself in my own eyes has been liberating. I know Narrow path is not easy to tread on but thats the ONLY way to the Father and i'll enter Heaven ONLY BY HIS GRACE and not on my own efforts or merits...why? so that all the glory goes to HIM and HIM alone and to NO ONE ELSE. Some of the lines are taken from Proverbs, which i have been reading these days. God's Word, for sure, is a double edged sword, which pierces through my heart and judges my thoughts, my standard of living and shows me the areas that needs moulding. So as you read through, I pray that you find God's eyes to see yourself in aspect of your life. Hope all this makes sense to you and if it's not, it is still ok :-) am sure you will understand it at the right time.

This one doesn't sound like as any would be song types so it'll remain in my journal entry, i guess so:-)

5th June 2007
11:50 a.m.
NARROW LANE (2007)
Dear Lord,
In my life right now...
its difficult to see the next step,
I am struggling to follow Your path.
I have been faltering;
fallen with my face on the ground,
I get up and see dust all over my face,
it feels so disgraced.
Knowing that all this while,
I was right, if not in 'their' eyes
but in thine.
It feels like a slap,
feels like people pulling me up
just to pass a sarcastic remark.

I wish to walk smoothly on this narrow road,
without any bruises or blemish.
How I want to take easy way out,
not just once but always!
Had 'planned it all'--- so that it'll be perfect,
dislike mistakes & shame,
no tears I want to shed.

But... Here I stand at this juncture;
only to understand,
I need to learn to trust.
Trust YOUR whipserings,
YOUR guidance,
not my own intuitions
or discernment.
Let me not lean on my intelligence,
but acknowledge YOUR presence...
in all things.

Though situations may not change,
people still remain,
but having YOU in everything,
will be my strength.
I can lean on YOU,
whenever I fall
or face any trail.
I am learning to trust YOU more,
for in YOU I set my absolute confidence.
Help me to walk on the just path,
grace to pursue on this narrow lane.

As I surrender myself,
before YOUR Holy Throne;
I join my hands in adoration,
I hear YOU calling me,
to follow whole heartedly.
So, Here I am...
making my ear attentive to wisdom;
inclining my heart to YOUR understanding.

Humble me Lord,
have YOUR way.
though I know,
it'll bring corrections, falls
and dust on my face.
As long as I am under YOUR grace,
nothing else matters
for its YOU who cares.
Don't mind all the failures,
all painful truths,
as long as YOU hold me and move...
lead me to the goal,
and that's YOU and YOU alone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love Ya,
SM_eagle

Comfort Me

Comfort me, make me still
With your fragrant presence
Comfort me, make me still
When I am weary
Comfort me, amke me still
when I fall and am lonely
Comfort me, make me still
My JESUS

With YOU around me
I have nothing to fear
With YOU by my side
I am found complete
before the father

I have a calling
To follow you
Heart, mind and soul
It belongs to you alone

No other GOD reigns
Over my soul anymore
Coz I have given it all
To you..
You are in control

As I surrender
Before Your holy throne
As I join my hands
In adoration
I hear you calling me
To follow whole heartedly
I lay it all
Things that I call my own
I lay it before the throne

----------------------------------------------------------

love ya,

SM_eagle

Satisfy my hunger, Lord

Some scribbling... Quench my Thirst for THEE o Lord... there has been an insatiable hunger and thirst for Lord's Presence, there's more in my walk with the Lord that i am looking for...more of HIM, more of HIS presence, more of HIS Grace, more of HIS voice... I just can't, just can't get enough of JESUS... Satisfy my hunger LORD...

20th April 2007
WHERE ?

During the night
I search through the words
in hope that I'll find THEE
but don't...
Where art THOU, My GOD?

Is it that YOU have left me
or have I lost YOU, my Precious Pearl
in the crowds of many
What will I do without YOU, my Jewel
YOU are my Gem, my treasure
My everything

Break me Lord...my pride
I try my best to see YOU
through my tear filled eyes.
My vision seems so vague
For YOU are missing from my life
thats what i feel...
right now.

Let me find YOU
for I seek You earnestly
I know, YOU will let me find YOU.
I believed and I believe even today,
YOU want me to seek YOU
more deeply

I hold on for I believe
I will find THEE
My Lord, my Love
for YOU cannot deny
THY love for me.

----------------------------------------------------------------

love ya,

SM_eagle

Life...

This I wrote pondering about the state of health of one of my aunt, she has been in critical condition for over a month now... Her both kidneys failed some one and half or two years back and husband expired last year in August,2007. She came to Delhi for kidney transplant but was diagnosed with a lump in the intestine, so doctors operated but since then life for her and all the family members have not been the same.

Praying for GOD'S WILL is not at all an easy prayer for it also means having the heart to say 'Yes' to what actually GOD'S WILL is for us... Jesus came to the earth to set us free but it was not easy...Garden of Gethsemane was part of HIS journey and only after the Crucifixion, Death there came the Ressrrection, only after the GOOD FRIDAY came EASTER... Our eyes sees the physical life but Lord, Open our eyes to see the bigger picture of ETERNITY.

18th February 2008
11:30p.m.

In the quietness of the night
Life seem to be on hold
Looking at the stars
wishing for more.
Clueless of the fact
That life keeps going on
Be it peace or at the time of war

Still gazing at the night sky for a Miracle
Believeing that YOU do hear my heart’s cry
But circumstances tells me
Terminate this wishful thinking.

Need more faith Lord or all is vain
Don’t wanna question any of Your Plans
But human as I am
Feeble and weak
End up seeing only what's not permanent

Enlarge my view to see the bigger picture,
of life not on earth
but Life in eternity with YOU.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

love ya,

Sm_eagle

Romans 8:28

This one I wrote on 26th December 2007, I said YES to Kevin, on 24th December 2007 and it was a long process of prayer, discussion and thinking with my family, elders and yes very important with the LORD :-). Life will be changing in many ways but this is what people call a leap of faith... I had prayed, "GOD'S WILL, NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS and NOTHING ELSE." for my lifepartner and I am glad that i waited and waited for the best to come my way, Best that My FAther in Heaven had in HIS mind. In my conversations with Kevin I am discovering the way we are called by God and HE has a purpose for two of us. So here goes my thoughts in relation to my committment to my soulmate. Well this one is without a doubt dedicated to Kevin. I call this one 'Till Death Do Us Part'

TILL DEATH DO US PART (2007)

I see US together not based on emotions but sheer faith
knowing it's YOU who has called us to The Altar
wanting us to willingly love each other
till death do us part.
Though it's been challenging
but I know YOU will see us through
lead us through the path
that YOU have called us to walk.

Jesus, I am choosing to fall in love...do the needful
Jesus, I wish to remain in love... Look into my heart
Jesus, I willingly say, 'I DO'
to everything that's coming forth
Give me the strength and grace...to pass through.

Lord help us to take one day at a time
Letting him be he and me being me
give us the grace that we are in need
lead us through till death do us part.

It's no longer yours or mine dear
but OURS...as WE stand together
before The Altar, before our Loved ones
all We know is
YOU WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
YOU WILL SEE US THROUGH. Amen

---------------------------------------------------------
SM_eagle